How do you say goodbye

I was waist deep in laundry tonight (trying to figure out which clothing to pack for our trip to Portland and which clothing to put away and mostly just trying to keep myself occupied) responding to supportive text messages and facebook comments, and sobbing.  My grandpa is dying.  He might have a couple of days, he might have a week.  Either way, I found myself trying to figure out HOW I could possibly say goodbye to him.  How can I find the right words to let him know how much I love him, how much he has meant to me throughout every stage in my life?  How do I convey to him the powerful presence his life has had in every decision I make in my own life?  Grandpa is and always has been my hero.  I think about all of the lessons that he has taught me, lessons that I hope to pass on to my children and to my grandchildren.

Grandpa loved unconditionally and with everything he had.  He loved everyone.  EVERYONE.  I watched him love my Grandma until the day Alzheimer's took her from him.  My grandma was a very hard working, creative, and thoughtful woman.  But she was VERY strong-willed and a bit snippy at times.  I never saw the slightest bit of frustration out of him...EVER.  I watched my grandpa shower my grandma with patience, adoration, and love.  After she was diagnosed with Alzheimers, I watched my grandpa create a routine that let life go on as normal for her (she didn't remember that she had Alzheimers).   When she forgot how to walk, he got her in and out of her wheelchair.  He picked out her clothing every single morning.  He did her hair.  He changed her diapers.  When she forgot how to eat, he fed her.  He did all of this with a smile on his face, and never once complained.  NEVER ONCE!!

Grandpa was a cheerleader.  No...he didn't ACTUALLY join a cheerleading squad.  He was actually a basketball stud.  He scored something like 32 points against the Harlem Globetrotters in his younger days.  But, my grandpa WOULD have made an exceptional cheerleader had basketball not been his thing.  I can say that with certainty because along with my parents, he was one of my biggest cheerleaders in life.  I can't count how many sporting events/music concerts he attended for my sisters and I.  He lived an hour away and still managed to make it down to cheer us on.  He made taking an active part in his grandchildren's lives a priority. And I know for a fact that he did this with his own kids too.

Grandpa was a teacher/counselor...both literally and figuratively.  He taught me how to shoot a hook shot (since we shorties had to have at least one way to score under the net).  He taught me how to yodel (although I can't REALLY yodel...but I had fun trying).  He taught me how to use a tuning pipe (which I definitely thought was a harmonica at the time).  I remember a conversation that I had with my grandpa in my adult life regarding disciplining children and I try to hold tight to his words of wisdom regarding this area of my life.  He advised us ( I don't remember who exactly was there at the time...maybe Christian...maybe some cousins) to NEVER discipline while angry because the punishment always ends up being handed out as "revenge" versus as a "teaching tool".  He talked to us about how he had moments as a parent when he had to send his daughters to their room and take a few minutes (or sometimes longer) before talking to them and handing down a punishment.  I strive to be the parent to my own children that my grandpa was to his girls.  I fall short...but I will never stop trying.

Grandpa loves to make people laugh.  One of the things I ALWAYS look forward to with him are his jokes.  I'm laughing thinking back to my childhood when my grandma would try to tell one of grandpa's jokes and mess it all up.  Grandpa would stand patiently behind her with a little grin on his face ready to step in and help when she couldn't remember the punch line.  We could always count on him for a new joke.  The laughs didn't stop with the jokes.  When he would walk into church and make his way to his seat, he would pass by people already seated and reach around behind them and tap their far shoulder.  This always resulted in those people turning around and greeting the people who were sitting directly behind them.  This was definitely one of grandpa's signature moves.  One of my fondest memories as a child was grandpa getting up early in the morning to make his grandchildren mickey mouse shaped, blueberry or banana cakepans (pancakes).  And he always knew exactly the right moment to break out his stash of mellowmarshes (marshmellows) to put smiles on our faces.

Grandpa loves God and is the greatest example to anyone as to what being a Christian is all about.  He truly lives a moral life.  He is accepting and supportive.  He is patient and kind.  I have never heard him raise his voice (unless he was singing...he had a beautiful singing voice and sang for a number of his grandkids' weddings).  This would be the lesson that he was most proud of.  The fact that no member of his family and no one who knows him would ever deny that he lived a life that would be pleasing to God....and not out of guilt.  He lived this way by choice because he truly loves the Lord and truly believes.  He is such an amazing example.

As I head down to Portland in a few hours, these are the lessons I will take with me.  These are the things that I hope to get out before my tears swallow my words.  Grandpa you are my hero.  You have led a life of which you should be proud.  I thank you for being so present in my life and allowing me to be human, yet loving me just the same.  I love you more than I could ever express.  May angels lead you home...